Saturday, June 10, 2006

Soccer 'Man'ia

This post goes out to all the women all around the world who are making faces because their significant others (assuming men here) are getting geared up to be glued to their TV sets.

I wanted to make a post earlier but Jaggu beat me to it. He lists some really important points that women have to keep in mind when the soccer season is on. I thought I'll just add a few more by enlisting some points on my blog.

1. Please DO NOT ask me the rules of soccer when I am watching the game. If you really want to know, look it up on the Internet or go to the bookstore and buy a "Soccer for dummies" book. I couldn't care what you did as long as you don't interuppt my viewing. And please DO NOT ask silly, stupid questions like "Oh, can you tell me why he is walking out the field?" (He got a red card damnit!).

2. Like Jaggu mentioned, when the games are on, the TV remote and the TV (quite obvious) belongs to me! If I have to go to the restroom when the game is on, I will turn up the volume on the game and take the remote control with me to the restroom. I want to make sure I hear the crowd even when I am in the restroom. If you change the channel by playing around with the buttons on the TV, I WILL NOT flush the toilet (I couldn't care how gross it sounds) and you would have to deal with it. I warned you beforehand about what you should NOT be doing. So it's not my fault.

3. If my favorite team wins a game, I'm going to be thrilled and excited about it. Don't think you are being smart by saying "Oh, I'm sure this game was fixed/rigged/set up". It is not going to affect me or bring down my excitement. I wanted my favorite team to win and they won! That's all I care about.

4. Please don't grimace looking at all the empty beer bottles around the house. I will clear up the mess after the games are over (In other words, on July 10, 2006). If you volunteer to clear the mess up, you are always welcome to do it. But keep in mind not to trash sealed beer bottles. I know I have to make it clear to women.

5. When the game is on (especailly when it comes down to penalty shoot outs), please get off the phone and stay put in a position. I couldn't care if you are speaking with your uncle's uncle whom you haven't spoken with for a decade! I won't come to the phone to speak with him and please ask him not to scream from the other end! It will disturb my concentration on the game.

Hmmm... I think I have covered everything I could think of for an enjoyable soccer season. If you women have any inputs to share, please don't tell me anything. Why? Because my rules always make sense. Always.

On behalf of all men (who like soccer), I shall bid adieu now. And yeah, please cheer for Italy. OK? Thank you.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Delete button

If you want free advice, I'll give you one. NEVER, NEVER click on 'Delete' in your blog settings. OH you still want to? OK, even if you do, make sure, I repeat, MAKE SURE, you click on 'Cancel' when you see a prompt. DO NOT hit enter. And yeah, most importantly, DO NOT drink and write.